I’ve been involved with the Vancouver BDSM scene for about a year now, both as a helper and participant. Albeit with two hiatus periods in between.
In that time, I’ve had a number of experiences, mostly positive, a couple with negative aftermaths. That’s the way it rolls, eh? Overall, it’s been good times to date. I’ve been very fortunate to make a number of friends here, some very close, others a little more distant but all people with good hearts and intentions at the end of the day.
I am content with doing my own thing, bopping along as my pixie self is wont to do, at various parties, munches and gatherings. I do hear pieces of gossip and scuttlebutt from time to time, but on the whole I prefer to keep myself apart from the scene politics.
Given what I’ve witnessed in recent times, I’m glad to have taken that path.
When I first became involved, I will confess to having the mildly Pollyanna-esque thought that it would be one big happy kinky community. I was disabused of that notion early on in the piece, but nonetheless thought that a relatively small scene such as Vancouver would ascribe to the principle of “agreeing to disagree” whenever people were at odds with each other, for whatever reason. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
Whenever there are a number of groups in existence that have conflicting ideals, goals or visions in place, it would seem somewhat unrealistic to expect everyone to “just get along”. Our own human natures hamstring that particular ideal, yet there is still room for respect for others, cordiality and perhaps even positive inter-communication. Sadly, again, this is not the case.
The amount of venom, childishness and outright attacks on people I have witnessed in reality and virtuality just blows me away. You’d think it’s a hard enough time to exist as kinky peeps in a world where much of what we do can be easily twisted, misinterpreted or appropriated by mainstream society. Yet I see people who should be acting like mature adults running around acting like the proverbial bullying kids in the schoolyard. People are jumped on for voicing an alternative opinion or attacked outright for daring to speak up and call others out on bullshit or to defy the often self-proclaimed authority of a few.
Such behavior is puerile at best, but when it’s gotten to the point where two of my friends have been effectively run off a website and gone to ground in reality…that’s just beyond the fucking pale.
Whatever happened to common decency and respect? Whatever happened to the idea of agreeing to disagree with the opinions of others? Whatever happened to the idea of tolerance, of allowing others to be what they choose to say, or be, for themselves?
Just chill out and grow up.
To those of you who are also witnessing the endless drama, I say: Take heart.
There are good people to be found here. They may be a little quieter, a little less visible, but they are here.
That is all.